Terror

I learned something new today. Since I have made it almost 2 1/2 years with Emily only getting mildly sick once, All bets are off in the 'terror' department when she is getting sick. She was in a horribly bad mood before she went down for a nap and then even WORSE, believe it or not, when she woke up, and then worst than that when the sun started to go down. Sure enough when she was getting ready to go to bed tonight, I began to see the first signs of the dreaded green snot of death and a little cough. We shall see how the next few days treat me. I might not be getting a whole lot of me time or blog time in but she is a trooper so we shall see....wish me luck because I have been fortunate enough to not have to learn how to deal with this.

Boiling Points

I can feel it rising up in the back of my neck like a temperature gauge. Sometimes I cool off, but sometimes I feel like I'm about ready to explode. I keep praying about it and the more I try to give it to God, the more it seems to irritate me. Is this Satan trying to stir trouble or God telling me to do something about it? I assume that if there is any hatred in my feelings then it MUST be Satan. So for now...I give it to God and pray that in the end, everything ends up the way it should be. Everything happens for a reason...right? RIGHT?!

Remodel and Christmas

Hello everyone. As you can see, I made some New Years changes to my blog...comments and suggestions are welcome. I entitled it "running with scissors" because it's a common childhood idiom, that I feel explains my life in a nutshell. I feel like I'm always running around, slightly on edge, dangerously on the line of sanity and, well, not; quite literally running with scissors. If I just took the time to slow down, it would change both situations entirely. But I have a sneaky feeling that, since I plan on having more children, for now, it's just going to get worse. So for now...I am a crazy, slightly strung out, eternally happy, mom to a wonderfully perfect (although often the cause of my low levels of sanity) daughter, who is madly in love with her hardworking, ridiculously understanding and handsome husband (who equally contributes to my sanity factor), who loves God, and has a great passion for photography that feels as though the majority of the day that she is just running with scissors.



Also, I plan on spending the rest of today editting the masses of Christmas pictures I have. So here's one to hold you over until tomorrow.

Candy Cane Blues

Over the weekend I was told by a few people that Emily was pointing to her teeth and saying "ow" while she was eating some sort of candy. As part of my New Years Resolution I had said that I would be better about giving Emily candy, but that doesn't always mean that I can control a Granny or Grammy or Aunty from slipping her some while I'm not looking. So with cookies, and sugar plums, fudge and candy canes still floating around from the holidays, she was bound to get much more sweets that I wanted.
This morning while she was sitting in the bathtub and I was brushing her teeth, she said "ow" and opened her mouth. I asked her to show me where the "ow" was and she stuck her finger in the back of her mouth. When I tilted her head back and looked in her mouth I thought for sure I was going to find a little black dot...or 2 (note: she does NOT get that much candy and I didn't have my first cavity until I was 17) Instead what I found was, not one, but TWO big, pearly, half emerged, molars. when I looked on the bottom, sure enough there where 2 new teeth there also. So hopefully this is the cause of her sensitivity because I REALLY was not looking forward to having to strap her down to a dental chair to be looked at.
You know the kids that you hear screaming in the back of the dentist office and you swear that the doctor must have forgotten to give them their numbing medicine? Mom comes out all sweaty and panicked looking, as the doctor swears to never enter anything pediatrics again...? Then you find out that all it was, was a few x-rays and a mouth mirror? THAT would be my Emily at the dentist. So, instead of thoroughly embarrassing myself...I'm going to lay of the sweets completely now that the holidays are over!!

Lost it!

I feel like I've lost it!...in more ways than one actually. I feel like I've lost my talent. I know it's not true, but I feel like I'm in a photographic funk. When I look at my pictures I feel like I should be better instead of just being happy with where I am now. Maybe it has something to do with looking at other photographers work. I have to tell myself "these people have been doing the same thing for much longer than you have, kayla." They have a system, they have a routine, and they have the experience that gives them the confidence I wish that I had.

Has anyone noticed that all of a sudden everyone and their mother is a "photographer"?! You know when you buy a new car that you swear NO ONE has, but then you get on the road and just on the 10 mile drive to your house you see about 300 of them? I feel this way with my job. When people ask "So, what do you do for a living?" and I say "photographer", 9 times out of 10 the response is "oh yeah?! that's cool! I like to take pictures too." I would like to say "that's great, but there is a difference between picking up a camera at the right time and clicking the button and being psychotically passionate about it". There is lighting, composition, knowledge of the camera itself, color, creativity, and even a little yoga in there. You have to be able to visually see it with your eyes, click with your brain, have your camera set right, and be in the right place at the right time all within a 100th of a second. THEN, with all of those things falling perfectly into place be able to get 'the shot'.

Imagine with me for a second:

*Emily is being cute, jumping on the bed in her pajamas that conveniently have a tutu built into the pants. Aaron is laying just to the side with a old comfy feather pillow under his head. The pillow has a little tear in the corner of it. The blinds are closed, but the sun is going down and shining perfectly through the backside of the blinds. Aaron starts to play pillow fight with Emily and one little feather poofs out the hole, and glows as it drifts in and out of the sunlight gleaming through the blinds and lands softly on the bed. "BOOF", Aaron hits Emily again and as she falls on the bed, rolling in hysterical laughter, "poof", 2 feathers come out of the tear that I see has gotten bigger. With all of this noticed and so not to disturb the moment much I walk around the side of the bed, open the blinds all the way and sneek out to grab my camera*

Of course this is all a hypothetical situation but if you can't literally SEE (in your head) where I'm going with this then I apologize, because I can see the AMAZING picture that this would create after that pillow busted open a little more. I would take a deep breath, steady my camera, close my eyes, say a little prayer to God that the next "BOOF" would result in my bedroom being throughly engulfed in glowing sunlit feathers that slowly drifted down to my bed as my husband and daughter laugh hysterically. A completely candid moment that was seen before it happened.

I believe that a "true" photographer has to have this mindset. 'See' the moment before it happens, prep the moment for lighting and color, remove anything that you don't want anyone seeing (i.e. dirty underwear or a beer can that would DESTROY the picture or result in hours of photoshop) ALL without disturbing the moment that, cross your fingers, will happen.

Of course this is not the photographer I am claiming to be, but when say that I am a "photographer" this is what I'm telling people that I am striving to become.

It's a new year!!

...but first some things from the last day of 2009. Aaron's Aunt Katie and her fiancé Jon, make it official!

While traveling up to Pine Mountain Club to spend New Years with Aaron's granny we saw the moon rise up over the mountains and it was BEAUTIFUL! After thoroughly being 'Tourist Tom' and stopping enough times to drive Aaron and Kaylee a little batty, I found out that I had actually captured something rare. Apparently it was a "blue moon". For those of you who don't know what it is, like I didn't, even though I hear it all the time, it is when 2 full moons occur in the same month. Only a few times every 19 years. I took pictures of it because it was so bright. Almost annoyingly bright as we drove across Carrizo Plains in the dark. I captured it's beauty and then quickly thought of my elementary days and how it would have been the perfect night to go toilet papering.

and finally...A picture of the three of us as Aaron and I mash Emily's head for our New Year's kiss.

So far my New Year has been great. Lots of great food and lots of fun and games with family. While I sit here on the couch, being a bum. I hear dishes being washed, and Margie getting ready to cook an amazing lunch, I'm sure. Kim is trying to help while Me, Katie, Kaylee, Willy, Andrew and Chelsea's boyfriend Adam play Phase 10. Willy is winning by a long shot and let this be recorded that it is the first time that Kaylee is not whoopin' up on everyone. Emily was running around chasing the dogs with a handful of carrot cake but has finally crashed and curled up on Chelsea's lap to watch the rest of Dennis the Menis....I hope she doesn't get any new ideas. OH, haha, and my wonderful husband went with his uncle DJ motorcycle riding in the snow, so I probably won't see him until the sun goes down. This is my new year and so far I'm liking the direction it is going!

Last Post

This is my last post of the year!! Tomorrow starts a New Year. It's a time for new beginnings and resolutions. What are my resolutions? I have several this year. Probably to make up for all the years that I've never had any. Then again, I ask myself "Why must it be a new year for me to decide to change or do something new?" Well this just happens to be a convient time for, as it is for alot of other people. So what are they?

1) Start being more deligent about my blogging.
Both on here and for my professional blog (kaylavanpatten.blogspot.com). I regret stopping doing both of them. I look back on all the things I've wrote or things that I've taken pictures of and I'm sad that I missed doing that for a while.

2) Start "home schooling" Emily.
Yes, she's way too young for homeschool persay, however I feel that I need to give her more structure. I need to be able to sit her down and say "Okay, Emily, it's school time" and teach her. I know that she will be so happy with it. She strives to learn more every day and I think that will help occupy some of her brain and maybe keep her out of mischief...a little. Since I blogged on her last she has learned so many new things that I'm going to have to keep adding them as they come up. But some of them are the letters "mommy E", "baby e", "m", "i", she has some trouble with "l" and doesn't quite have "y". She can also legitematly draw an "e" most of the time. So I feel that if I can channel her brain into learning her letters that she will be able to read before preschool...okay not really but she will definatly be ready by the time she turns 3.

3) More structure in myself.
My days go by all too fast. It could be the late hours that I wake up and the lack of structure in my daughter that I chase 24/7 that has done this too me, but I feel that if I can do this it will greatly improve my days.

4) Improve myself.
I want to start going to the gym and getting healthy. and I want to start eating healthier...Again, these also will reflect in Emily. When the dogs start barking Emily runs to the door and says "pizza?" That has to be a bad sign. She also calls Dr. Pepper "peppa dee". She has recently started both of these things and it's a bit of a red flag, the fact that she thinks the dog barking always means pizza and that she can easily distinguish Dr. Pepper from any other dring actually makes me kind of sad.

and I think with all of these things I will be able to do number 5

5) Become a better house wife and wife in general.
I want to pick up some wifely hobbies like: gardening, sewing, and baking. All three things I'm pretty sure that I'm cursed at doing, but I think with the TIME to be able to practice that I can at least give a valient effort to improve on them.

6) But 100% into building my business
Photography is something that I LOVE. Not only is it a passion and fun hobby, it is also a dream come true to be given such an amazing opportunity to build my on something that I love so much!

So with all of that said...I want to wish everyone a very Happy New Year in my last post of 2009.